Well, I am writing the title last because I have no idea what will come out.
When I lost Cocoa, the bottom dropped out. I honestly thought that I could handle it because I have handled SO much loss in my lifetime. But this…. well, it makes me realize that my ability to do this is severely diminished.
Since 2012, I have lost 3 of the most important things in my life. Our beloved Cocoa, my dad, and our family Ct. island home. Yes, I said a home.
What you need to understand is that home was my connection to my Godmother, my Mother, my Grammy, my Grampy, and my Grandpop. It was where I discovered who my Mom was and in turn me. Hopefully, you understand now.
Couple that with my Dad’s illness and death two years after that house and then the death of Cocoa two years after that……..and well……..
Honestly, I thought after surviving the losses between 1972 and 1987, I’d be fine. Grandmom (1972), Godmother (1975), Mom (1981), Grandpop (1985), Uncle Fred (1986), and Granddad (1987) I would be fine. After all, how can you not be when you get through all of that?
Somehow, all that did not help. It in fact hurt. I imagine it chipped away my insides. Normally I would brush myself off and remember that I do indeed have my family that passed looking over me……..and yes I believe in that. Right now, though, my thoughts about that like “blah, blah, blah” in my head.
The plan now is to try and find a way through. So the work begins.